Male egoism in relationships: how to fight and manage it? How to overcome selfishness in yourself How to combat your selfishness.

Psychologists characterize the concept of pride as an exaggerated sense of one’s importance. From the point of view of religion, such a quality of human character is a terrible sin. People with such a defect are found in society quite often. They tend to blame everyone around them for excessive arrogance and at the same time not notice the negativity in themselves.

Arrogance prevents a person from adequately perceiving life; this vice is accompanied by a constant anxious state of mind and, as a result, does not allow a person to simply enjoy current events. Since it is almost impossible to get rid of pride on your own, such people may need qualified help from a psychologist to combat it.

How does arrogance begin?

Vanity and arrogance are derived concepts of excessive arrogance. Such character traits most often appear during a period when everything is good in a person’s life. Success, prosperity, celebrity contribute to the growth of inner pride. Moreover, during this period of life, this vice is difficult to remove, since the illusion of one’s own greatness does not allow the individual to correctly assess the situation. The consequence of such behavior, as a rule, is distancing from society and inevitable disappointment.

Over time, vanity leads to the formation of internal egoism. An arrogant attitude towards the entire society leads to the fact that colleagues and even close people stop communicating with a person. They try not to trust such individuals with responsible matters. Due to the fact that an inadequate reaction may follow from a proud person, people do not have confidential conversations with him and do not share their achievements. Communication with a vain person often ends in misunderstanding and envy.

Declaring to the whole world about his exclusivity, a person is not at all bothered by the question of how to overcome pride. On the contrary, he strives to rise in his conviction to the very heights and from there rule the world.

Signs of pride

It is quite simple to identify a proud person in society. Arrogance and conceit gradually build a certain hierarchical system in a person’s consciousness, according to which everything around him is assessed. Self-love manifests itself in each person quite individually, but still this phenomenon has common characteristic features:

• blaming everyone around you for your problems and troubles;
• unreasonable irritability and disrespectful attitude towards people;
• intolerance of criticism, inadequate reaction to indicated shortcomings;
• 100% certainty that you are right;
• the need for constant competition;
• self-satisfaction gradually decreases, and a loss of internal values ​​also occurs;
• a selfish person constantly gives advice to everyone, trying to prove his exceptionality

Proud people do not know how to sincerely thank, the service provided is taken for granted. They consider such a necessity humiliating to their own pride. To increase their dignity, arrogant people try to look for weaknesses in others.

Selfishness: how to deal with it

When deciding how to deal with selfishness or how to defeat pride, it is first necessary Active participation a person suffering from such a vice. Recognizing a negative character trait in yourself significantly speeds up the healing process.

Getting rid of pride must begin with realizing responsibility for your life. As soon as a person pacifies his arrogance, he will stop blaming everyone around him for his troubles. Pride can be considered a mental illness, therefore the cure for such an illness directly depends on inner aspiration and desire.

To speed up the process of getting rid of an egoistic character trait, you need to learn to benefit even from negative events. You should have a philosophical approach to everything.

In order to overcome the psychological barrier characterized by vanity and selfishness, it is necessary to learn to perceive people as they are. A person must realize his purpose in society and carefully analyze his behavior.

A person who has become deeply dependent on his own egoism definitely needs professional help, since it is quite difficult to fight pride alone. To form adequate self-esteem, you need to look at yourself from the outside and try to remove the detected negativity. When correcting the disorder, it is very important to maintain the golden mean and not lose self-respect.

Manifestation of pride in family relationships

An excessive sense of one’s own importance is often found in family relationships, and such a vice is observed not only in the husband or wife, but also in children. According to statistics, half of all divorces occur due to the fact that the spouses were unable to set priorities in the family in a timely manner, resulting in a social imbalance of authority.

If initially a woman performs most of the male responsibilities in a family, then the loss of male authority will be inevitable. In order for a married couple not to have to decide over time the question of how to get rid of selfishness in a relationship, it is necessary from the very beginning of their life together to have a clear distribution of responsibilities. In addition, without mutual respect, it will be almost impossible to cope with the problem of family selfishness.

Quite often, a man’s arrogance and vanity grows due to the fact that a woman has the status of a housewife. By providing material support, the husband gradually takes a privileged place in the family, and the wife, in turn, becomes a kind of victim.

In order to stop the program of destruction of family relationships, one of the partners needs to overcome their pride and adjust their behavior. A woman should carefully study her responsibilities and try to raise her husband's authority. In turn, a man, as respect grows, will automatically take up his family responsibilities and reconsider his attitude towards his wife. In the fight against egoism, mutual desire is very important.

Mistakes in raising children

Childish selfishness is not best feature character of a small personality. The main problem with this behavior is that the child’s selfishness is quite difficult to cope with. From the very first days of life, the baby tries to put his interests above all else. If such exactingness is not promptly corrected by upbringing, then it will be more difficult to cope with pride and arrogance at an older age. The selfishness of a daughter or son is not innate; in psychology, this phenomenon is characterized as acquired, and often the cause of children's arrogance is the excessive care of loving parents.

When deciding how to deal with children's selfishness, the use of various tactics will be required. First of all, parents must understand how to behave with a child who exhibits negative traits character. From early childhood, it is necessary to teach the baby to show care. In addition, all close relatives must follow certain rules of conduct:

• By their own example, adults should instill in the child that all family members are individuals who deserve a certain amount of respect. This tactic leads to the fact that the child begins to understand that everyone in the family is equal and stops striving for a privileged position.
• Family relationships should be built on the principles of mutual respect and care. Parents should be as natural as possible when communicating with their baby.
• Gradually, you need to help your child develop independence. The baby’s inner confidence will help him cope with excessive pride in the future.
• An adult person must constantly feel supported and protected by their parents. Self-confidence can overcome any difficulties.
• You can fight possible selfishness by forming the correct values ​​in the child’s subconscious. To do this, parents must teach their child to read the right books and watch good films.
• A healthy emotional atmosphere must be maintained in the family. You should not sort things out in the presence of children. It is also undesirable to publicly condemn and criticize strangers.

You need to fight pride at any age, as this vice can cause irreparable harm to the human psyche. It is easiest to overcome such a defect at the very beginning of development, so this problem requires timely diagnosis.

For example, some people are constantly trying to make everyone believe that their own world is better, while others are always dissatisfied with something. Still others may talk about themselves for hours, making you feel like you are less important. These selfish people love the idea of ​​“one for all and all for one,” but only when that “one” is themselves.

They will dislike and devalue you if you do not show your “superiority”. If you have met someone who is very selfish, or perhaps have a friend or partner who is selfish, Faktrum offers some concrete ways to stand up for yourself.

1. Admit that they have no respect for others

The first way to deal with such people is to be realistic. It is important to understand that a selfish person may not consider your needs from the very beginning. Sometimes such people are noble and charming, but more often they are thoughtless and inattentive. This occurs due to a lack of certain skills or desire to be so. Knowing this gives you a clear understanding of where you stand in the relationship.

2. Give yourself the attention you deserve.

Selfish people are emotional vampires. They crave your attention but don't give it in return. To avoid being emotionally drained, give yourself the attention you gave to the emotional vampire. For example, if you have any discomfort in your appearance, go to a hairdresser or boutique. This is called "meeting your own needs" and is a great way to boost your self-esteem. Giving your attention to a self-centered person is not virtuous. He needs you only to recharge himself emotionally and feed off your energy.

3. Stay true to yourself - don't stoop to their level.

Selfish people put pressure on you and try to piss you off. Don't let this happen. Don't play their games, don't participate in a situation you don't control. Don't give in to provocation!

Try to be true to yourself. It is very difficult to be kind to self-centered people who are crazy or treat you badly, but being like them is not the answer. You can alleviate any feelings of anger towards them by focusing on positive traits of your personality. Remember that you are a considerate and loving person.

4. Remind them that the world doesn't revolve around them.

A self-centered person may become so self-centered that he forgets to consider the thoughts and feelings of others.

Sometimes you need a little reminder that the world doesn't revolve around you. For example, instead of throwing a tantrum and shouting: “You never listen to me; you always do things your way,” try saying, “I really need to talk to someone about something that’s bothering me. Can you listen to me"?

5. Don't give them the attention they crave. This is a powerful strategy for dealing with extremely selfish people who do not strive to build equal relationships with others. The trick is to listen to the egoist without offering the level of attention they crave.

For example, instead of saying: “Poor thing, what did he do to you?!” - say: “Yes, this is life.” This will throw them off balance for a while. Remember, attention is your treasure. If you don't give it to them, they'll probably walk away.

6. Talk about topics that interest you

Bring whatever interests you into a conversation with a self-centered person: carpentry, cooking, politics. For example, if he says, “You won’t believe what my friend told me!” - answer something like: “By the way, do you know how much Bill Cosby is worth?” The more random topics you bring up that are not related to the selfish person's topics, the better.

No matter what, keep your attention on your real interests, and you will see how he will try to hide from you when he realizes that you are not interested in his self-centered stories.

7. Stop doing favors

Selfish people always ask for favors, but are never in a hurry to help themselves, when you need help. This is normal for them. While you need to be tolerant and give a selfish friend or partner a chance to change, it is also important not to encourage their selfishness, especially if it causes you pain or inconvenience.

So when a selfish person asks too much of you, you need to speak up and make it clear that your feelings are not valued. If you find yourself in a position where you have to defend yourself, keep it short and to the point, as selfish people are not the best listeners.

8. Reduce the time you spend together

Once you realize that someone is too selfish towards you, time to do your feet. Spend as little time with him as possible. Stop answering all calls and answering all messages. You may have already had to deal with many reactions from these people: from disinterest in you to hysteria and anger, but you resisted. It is better to spend your personal time alone than with people who suppress you with their egocentrism.

9. Actively seek out friends

Give up the bad habit of allowing selfish people to get attached to you. Instead, you should look for new friends who will pay as much attention to you as you do to them. You can make connections by getting out of the house more often and meeting new people at charity events or volunteer centers.

10. End the relationship

If, after all your efforts, you still cannot change a selfish person, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are not only selfish and self-centered - They are generally incapable of feeling sympathy for others, but they can purposefully use you.

This is harder to deal with than the average selfish person. In this case, you can offer him to get qualified help. But if it doesn't work, cut all ties with him and end the relationship forever. Life is too short to put up with selfish people and toxic relationships that drain your energy and happiness.

The word egoism belongs to that category of words whose meaning is understood by almost every member of our society. In its simplest sense selfishness is a person’s position, which is entirely focused on what is in front of them, as well as on satisfying absolutely all of their desires.

At the same time, it should be noted that the concept of “egoism” is often confused with the concept of “selfishness,” which is no wonder: at first glance, these are the same thing with only one small, but still important detail - the egoist does everything on his own good, regardless of whether it will harm the people around him. A person who loves himself also strives to achieve the goals he has set for himself, but if this in any way harms the people dear to him, he will find the strength to stop further movement.

The well-known slogan “ End justifies the means“- this is a kind of life slogan of egoists who in this life are sincerely convinced that everything in the world exists only for their personal good. However, like everything in this world, selfishness does not appear out of nowhere. In most cases, the seeds of such a stingy perception of the world around a person are carefully planted by his parents in childhood. Judge for yourself: how many times have you heard everyday stories in which parents did not deny their beloved child anything and spoiled him in every possible way, starting from the cradle, with expensive gifts and constantly praised him, even if there was no reason for this? As a rule, such an overly laudatory and loving attitude of parents towards their child made the latter a real egoist, who in this world everywhere and always sees only his Highness in the first place.

After many years, parents who wanted the best, but it turned out as always (yes, Viktor Chernomyrdin at one time nevertheless became the author of a brilliant phrase) will one day unexpectedly discover that their child, in addition to satisfying his own needs, and no longer notices desires in life. Hence the frequent cruel indifference and indifference to the problems of parents, who at one time invested in the egoist everything they could give. Even often voluntarily giving up certain benefits. Therefore, such people often do not know so as not to cause them unnecessary harm. Fighting selfishness is quite difficult, if not impossible. Therefore, it is better not to allow your worldview to be so limited.

They say that women, for the most part, are notorious selfish people who only dream of men fulfilling all their desires and whims. And the unfortunate stronger sex is forced to deny themselves everything in order to please the weaker half of humanity. Complete nonsense. No, we really wouldn’t mind seeing Hottabych and a noble knight in our half at the same time. But most men have such qualities only during the sweet-bouquet period of relationships. And then they remember themselves, their loved ones, and begin to cherish their own ego. We are lost, not understanding what happened and where the helpful and attentive boyfriend went. And we don’t know what to do or how to deal with male egoism. And is it possible to fight it at all? And if it is possible, then how?

How is traditional male egoism expressed?

In fact, selfishness is a property inherent in almost every person. Without it, we would not try to make our lives better and would not strive for self-development. Male and female egoism in normal doses can be considered the engine of life. He usually does not oppress those around him, and sometimes even works for their benefit. But if we begin to think primarily for ourselves, without particularly taking into account others, then it is not entirely correct to talk about their good. It must be said that in women such a somewhat hypertrophied ego is clearly expressed much less frequently than in men.

Male egoism is found everywhere. And he can demonstrate himself in anything. They, our precious husbands, manage to shamelessly lie on the sofa while the soapy wife vacuums, washes, cleans and cooks dinner at the same time. Well, why not? After all, cleaning and cooking is a woman’s task, even if she works just as hard as her husband. Tired? Her problems. It’s not a man’s job to peel potatoes or wash floors...

And even if the faithful peels potatoes or washes the floor, male egoism in him will manifest itself in something else. Well, who among us doesn’t know what it’s like to mess around with a representative of the stronger sex who has felt some kind of malaise! The one who does not know this can be considered a lucky woman. Few men are careless about their own health. Even if, at the slightest interruption in their health, they do not begin to hysteria and pester the doctors, they climb into bed and whine, demanding increased attention. And then forget about everything and rush around with the sufferer who cut his finger like with a sack!

There is an opinion that men are ashamed to admit that they are sick. No matter how it is! When a man considers himself the center of the Universe, he is capable of not only making a tragedy out of a slight runny nose, but also pretending to be sick. Do you urgently need to hammer in a nail, take out the trash, or drag heavy bags home? Oh, he is so unwell, so unwell! This is probably something very serious... You need to go to the doctor urgently! And he will go and pester the doctors with his complaints about abdominal cramps, back pain and general weakness. And demand sick leave in order to go to work for at least a couple of days.

Here you save on tights and cosmetics, and he calmly buys himself expensive eau de toilette and dines at an expensive establishment. You are lying down with a high temperature, and he, without a twinge of conscience, goes fishing, to football or to the sauna with friends. You are extremely busy talking on the Internet with a client or customer, and he is itching above your ear, demanding that you heat up your lunch. You are exhausted from the day and want to finally fall and fall asleep, but he turns on the TV at full volume.

Sound familiar? And it’s no longer surprising? Everything is correct. Because these signs of male egoism are so common that many of us tend to consider them an integral property of male nature. And in some places this is even true. So let's see where it came from, this male egoism.

The origins of male egoism

The male half of humanity has long considered itself more important than the weaker sex. And not at all because women are second-class creatures, intended to provide all kinds of services to the stronger sex. Men simply had less chance of survival. They died hunting and in battles, fought duels and generally always risked their heads, often losing them. The ambitions of the stronger sex, coupled with restless adrenaline, created excellent preconditions for shortening their life span.

But women used to have a hard time without a man. After all, he was the breadwinner, the breadwinner, the protector, and the father of the children, finally. But they, these potential fathers of children and breadwinners, returned from the battlefield with nothing at all! So you had to grab the first one you came across, cherish it like the apple of your eye and please in everything! Otherwise, he will run away to some sweet, reliable and submissive girl.

The stronger sex began to enjoy special reverence after major wars. The battles claimed entire armadas of men's lives. Only a small part of the soldiers returned home safe and sound. Needless to say, each of them was worth its weight in gold? And each of them understood this and began to feel a little chosen. This character trait was cultivated and passed on through generations.

Time passed, the stronger sex arrived, but the attitude towards it largely remained the same. Boys were often raised to be warriors and workers, but at the same time they were taught that women were creatures of a lower order. They should be used as a means for procreation and arranging life. This approach to the weaker sex, which is very unpleasant for us, still exists in some families. Parents almost from the cradle develop male egoism in their child, raising him in the spirit of “women owe me.”

At first, such a debtor turns out to be the mother, who fulfills all his duties for her beloved son. She rushes around the house, giving him a shirt, socks, slippers. She cooks and does laundry, despite her illness. Goes crazy if the offspring sneezed. He goes to bed at three in the morning and gets up at six in the morning to cook breakfast for the now grown guy. This behavior of the mother shapes the boy’s attitude towards other representatives of the fairer sex. He grows up with the conviction that women do not get tired, do not get sick, do not need help around the house and are generally obliged to care for the stronger sex. Moreover, such a man may not be infantile and weak. But he will first of all satisfy his desires.

Not only sons drowning in maternal care become selfish, but also children from dysfunctional family. In a home where the child is not given any attention, he has no choice but to think first of all about himself. Otherwise, you might just end up hungry. The principle “first for yourself” is firmly fixed in the mind and forces a person to act in accordance with it for almost the rest of his life. Even though she will be poor. As for the neglectful attitude towards women's needs, here it is quite natural. After all, a man was raised on the street, and it, as a rule, cultivates trampling on the weaker sex.

In a word, male egoism is determined by both upbringing and character social development. Therefore, many people view him favorably.

And to some of us, the spouse’s position “you must look after me” does not seem wrong at all. What's wrong with that? The father, brother, uncle and neighbor in the stairwell behaved in the same way. Those who did not have a similar example from their father, uncle and neighbor do not want to calmly look at their husband’s quirks, they get nervous, offended, make trouble and sulk. And what to do in this case? How to deal with male egoism?

Ways to combat male egoism

The selfishness of our men has one peculiarity. It appears in all its glory only when we begin to behave like caring mothers and become overly involved in this role. Well, why shouldn't a man take advantage of this? They look after him, take care of him, dance around him and don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. A rare representative of the stronger sex will oppose this state of affairs and begin to surround his wife-mother with attention, trying to make her life easier. Well, if a woman is ready for a lack of proper attention from her husband, so be it. Perhaps this is how she realizes her instinct of motherhood. And if not, then she should take into account this peculiarity of male egoism and try to awaken in the faithful a sense of responsibility for the family.

In other words, so that the chosen one does not become a complete egoist, you need to pray less for his person. Let's remember that we also need attention and care and sometimes we will turn into a naive girl who requires supervision and care. Of course, not every one of us likes this nowadays. Today we are independent, independent, self-sufficient, finally! However, if a woman got married, it was not to be exploited in the most brazen way! Therefore, we will be at least a little actresses, periodically demonstrating helplessness and confusion in some situation.

There is no need to drive nails for your husband and carry heavy bags from the store. We can't do this. There is no need, falling from fatigue, to iron your dear one’s shirt in the morning while he is watching football. Let him stroke it himself. You should not bring him slippers or give him clean socks. He is no longer a child and should know where everything is. No, you need to take care of your husband, of course. But at the same time, do not go to extremes, but pay attention to your own comfort. In the end, a wife is not a service bureau, but a beloved woman. And she's thirsty too careful attitude to yourself.

“Yesss!” – someone will say, “But if I don’t drive a nail into the wall, the shelf in the bathroom will never appear!” And how can I not drag the bags if there’s a ball rolling around in the house?” No one will die because there is no shelf in the bathroom. And because there will be scrambled eggs for dinner. Uncomfortable? Well, then we’ll call a neighbor to nail the nail. And we’ll ask him or some man we know to help carry the heavy bags. Let the faithful be alarmed and think, finally, what are his family functions - lying on the sofa or something else?

In principle, there is no special drama in the fact that a man is lying on the sofa, and at this time we are running around with a mop and washing mountains of dishes. If he works hard, trying his best to provide for his family. It is not there even when the faithful is about to die from a cut finger. And even when he buys something he likes, forgetting that his wife doesn’t have tights. Frankly speaking, we are also capable of such antics. And in this case we are not very different from our other halves. These are rather innocent manifestations of the male ego, which many take for granted.

But when the faithful absolutely do not care about what happens to his wife, when he is not at all interested in her needs and the needs of the children, when he is busy only with himself - everything is much worse. It is better not to deal with such complete egoists at all. Because there can be no question of changing them. And if you have managed to contact such a type, you can either grit your teeth and endure him, or, without much hesitation, break off the relationship without regret. Because they will never be happy.

Discussion 0

Similar materials