Recently I asked myself an interesting question: why does the Ukrainian language sound funny? I asked this question to professionals and received a comprehensive answer.

1. The intonation and articulation patterns of the Ukrainian language, especially when they are clearly expressed (a person tries to speak correctly), are close to the comical intonations and articulations in Russian. This is funny in itself, and if they talk about unfunny things, the comical effect intensifies.

2. Modern Ukrainian Newspeak with its Russian roots purged is reminiscent of children's games with distorted words, and this is funny.

3. As a rule, more or less public people speak Ukrainian poorly, and it shows.

For the average Russian, the Ukrainian language is actually something exotic and somewhat ridiculous. Since the languages ​​are too close, but completely understandable only at the everyday level. But books, films, etc. leave a lot of misunderstandings.

What is the phenomenon of “funny language”? Two components are needed here.

First, the language must be generally understandable. Exceptions are interlingual homonyms with an indecent and often obscene sound to the Russian ear, such as some Spanish names, Japanese consonances or German addresses to a man; Needless to say, this is humor of the basest kind, the level of “gee-gee” in the gateway? In general, completely unfamiliar languages, Eastern or Western European, do not seem funny to us.

Another thing is the related languages ​​of the Slavic peoples, in which you can try to communicate without a translator and it is not difficult to read signs and advertisements. It is the superficial contact – we are not talking about familiarity – with the language of the country where you spent a week’s vacation or a couple of days as part of a European tour that replenishes the treasury of tourist folklore about funny languages.

Because the second condition is necessary: ​​you should not know this language.

You don't have to guess about it. Many Russians and almost all of our Russian-speaking compatriots are confident that they understand the language perfectly well. But at the same time they continue to claim that Ukrainian is not suitable for office work, science, serious literature, or declarations of love - because it is funny.

Ukrainian letter "And" reads like Russian "s";
- Ukrainian letter "e" reads like Russian "uh";

Translation of Lensky's aria: “Will I fall, pierced by an arrow? Or will she fly by?”
In Ukrainian “cool” it sounds:“Why am I going to gape with a kick, why are we going to wash the wine?”

Some Russian words translated into Ukrainian (in Russian letters):

“I was attacked by a hunger strike in the forest” - “I was attacked by a naked girl near the fox”

“Let’s go and take a photo” - “we made a fool of ourselves”

“The car carried the chairs” - “the samoper hit the assholes”

“How many sprat?” - “How many kolki?”

“The devil howls on the mountain” - “Vie bis on the mountain”

Condom - “gum natsyutsyurnyk” (aka “poromy natsyutsotnik”)
Bra - “tsytsko-pidtrymuvac”
Maniac - “pissy villain” (aka “pissy villain”)
Sexual maniac - “tsutsyurk villain”
Cat - "gut"
Mistress - "kohanka"
Coming soon - soon
Injection - "shtik"
Woman in labor - “birther”
Koschey the Immortal - “Chakhlik the Undying”
Teddy Bear - “Tick-footed Medic”
Notebook - “zoshit”
Skyscraper - "hmaroches"
Button - “gudzyk”
Pocket - “kyshenya”
Window - “quatyrka”
Umbrella - “parasol”
Dining room - “yidalnya”
The lighter is “spalakh@yka” (from “splakhuvata”), and not a spark plug at all.
Puppy - “tsutsik”
Dragonfly - “snatcher”
Rapist - “babbler” (from “zbaltuvati” - to rape)
Member - "tsutsyurka"

A gynecologist is a peek-a-boo;

Parachutists are scavengers;

Lighter - sleeping bag;

Butterfly - hatchling;

Calculate - fuck off;

Horror - horror;

Elevator - mid-surface drotochid;

Koschey the immortal is an undying lancer;

A sexual maniac is a pissy villain;

Mirror - pico-gazing;

Kinder surprise - egg-spodivaiko;

Juicer - juicer;

Helicopter - guintocryl;

The gearbox is a screw-up;

Asshole - asshole;

Basketball - Koshykivka;

Photography - svitlina;

Polyhedron - granchak;

Perpendicular - wash;

Cheburashka - bay;

Press-press - rip-rip;

To rustle, make noise - shishirkhnuti;

Wallet - pulares;

A bottle of vodka - beer;

Half-gray - spackling;

Panic, vanity - a coward;

The spot is a blur;

Ear - woohoo;

The handset is an earpiece;

Vacuum cleaner - smoktopil;

Syringe - stroker;

Socks - scarpets;

Why do I love Ukrainian humor? Because in Ukrainian it sounds especially funny if the following words are found there:

Lighter - sleeping bag;

Dragonfly is a hatchling;

Elevator - mid-surface drotochid;

Koschey the immortal is an undying lancer;

A sexual maniac is a pissy villain; pussy bandit

Mirror - pico-gazing;

Kinder surprise - egg-spodivaiko;

Juicer - juicer;

Gynecology - personal knowledge;

Midwife - umbilical cord;

The onanist is a villainous villain;

Condom - Nazism; shitty

The nurse is a joker;

Injection - shaded;

Kettle - pussy;

Chair - supporter;

TV - tank;

The corkscrew is a squirm;

Pilosos - pilosmokt; Brudnosmoke.

The tie is a crib.

Window - apartment.

The gate is a bitch.

Umbrella - rose cap;

Division - pidrizdil

the sidewalk is a trampling place,

galoshes - wet shoes

billiards - ball

ideal gas - immaculate volatility

bracelet - armlet

diamonds are sparkling

menu - razblyudovka

Zucchini – tikvenish

Russian language - Katsapsky snot licker

Zmey Gorynych - vuzhik

flammable...

In the modern Ukrainian language, the charm of original Ukrainianness is almost emasculated and these same words coincide or almost coincide with Russian ones:

Lighter - lighter

Butterfly - snowstorm

Elevator - elevator

Koschey the immortal - Koschey the immortal

Sexual maniac - sexual maniac

Mirror - mirror

Kinder surprise - kinder surprise

Juicer - juicer

Gynecology - gynecology

Midwife - midwife

Onanist - onanist

Nurse - nurse

Injection - injection

Kettle - teapot

Chair - stiletto

TV - TV

Corkscrew - corkscrew

Condom - condom

Gearbox - gearbox

Vacuum cleaner - saw cleaner

Umbrella - parasol

Serpent Gorynych - Serpent Gorinich.

https://pikabu.ru/story/ukrainskiy_yazyikon_ne_takoy_kak_dumayut_russkie_536227

The question arises, why then should the occurring distortions of Russian words be attributed to the new artificial language - Ukrainian? The answer is to be different from the “damned Muscovites” in at least some way.

Jokes.

An elderly German sits in a Parisian cafe, drinks coffee, and next to him a group of smart lads drinks moonshine from under the counter and eats lard.

The German is perplexed: “Excuse me, gentlemen, where are you from?”

Yes from Ukraine!

What is this: Ukraine?

Not a fallow state, grandfather! We have a coat of arms, an anthem, and a flag!

Where is it?

Are you crazy? We have a flag, a coat of arms, and an anthem. Don't you know Donbass?

My father still had mines there. But this is Russia!

You've gone completely crazy, old man! We have a flag, a coat of arms, and an anthem. Crimea!

As a young man, I fought in Crimea with the Russians. But this is also Russia! What language do you speak?

Ukrainian! State language!

How do you say “leg” in Ukrainian?

Leg, grandfather!

What about the “hand”?

The German went crazy: And the “ass”?!!

So you came up with a coat of arms, anthem and flag because of one ASS?

http://m.mirtesen.ru/groups/30528255087/blog/43604046998

A Ukrainian and a Russian are arguing about who has a more stupid language.

Russian: - I just can’t understand your “nezabarom” - is it behind the bar or in front of the bar?

Ukrainian: - And your “compare” - not srav, no?

Or here is a translation option for the famous slogan “Workers of all countries, unite!” sounds like ““There’s a whole bunch of bastards!” Maybe that’s why Ukrainian nationalists don’t like the communists so much, who created the mighty state of the Ukrainian SSR, and the Ukrainians themselves, that is, like yogo...sank it below the plinth?

Command: “Gun, shoulder!” - "I'll get on my stomach, hon!"

Not everything from Russian can be translated into Ukrainian. Here is a children's counting rhyme: “We count as we melt, we melt from five to ten.” In Ukrainian, “we count - we melt.” Ladies, cover your ears!

Compiled based on materials from the Internet

"I woke up. I looked. I was stupefied - I overslept!" A story that consists only of verbs.

And yet, the Russian language is not only, as the classic said, “great and powerful,” it is also amazing. You can do real miracles with it. For example, write a short story that will consist only of verbs, which is what Valery Chudodeev did. Today we have his story about a woman’s day. You will be surprised.

A story that consists only of verbs about one day of a woman

I woke up. I took a look. I was stupefied - I overslept! She jumped up and began to wake her up. He muttered and turned away.

She pushed me and picked her up. I rushed to warm it up, cover it, wrap it up...

She called. Silent. I looked in and he was covered and snoring. Tickled. Kicked.

Barked! He mumbled, got up, trudged off... I'm late!! She jumped out and ran.

Moving away! She caught up, grabbed hold, and hung. I've arrived. She jumped off. It's ringing!

She ran, burst in, pushed away, slipped through. Feel better!

Got up. She sat down. I jumped up, called, reminded me to turn off the light, turn it off, comb my hair, button it up, put on my shoes... I quit. She relaxed and started working.

They whisper... I listened - they delivered it, they are packaging it, they will give it to me! She asked for time off, returned, and continued working.

I caught myself and ran out. Flew in: occupied - moved away! They don't let me in. She shamed me, explained her, got her, and got rude. Standing won't let you have lunch.

Got up. It's moving! Perked up. Came up. They shout: don't knock it out! It's over!! I want to cry. I was indignant. They called me names. She trudged along. I pressed it. She rushed.

She came running. She flopped down and caught her breath. I called. He says he'll be late. They're sewing up, they're rushing, they're lying!

She jumped out.

She ran in, put on her shoes, dressed her, and dragged her. Caresses, hugs, sucks up...

It turns out: he climbed, knocked over, broke! Spanked. Yells, calls names. He can’t speak, but he’s learned to express himself! We'll have to wean it off.

We've arrived. She undressed, washed, boiled, spanked, cooled, fed, rinsed, took away, turned off, punished, cleaned, told, wiped, changed, swept, sang, put to bed... She sat down.

I got worried. I called. I found out - he left, didn’t stay! Got insolent!! Unbelted! I'll get a divorce! She pulled it off, threw it, lay down.

She jumped up. Started calling. Wasn't... didn't come in... didn't show up... didn't bring... didn't bring. Broke? Got it?! Confused?! Crashed?!

Appeared...

Grinning! She swung... She didn’t have time - she fell. She pulled it up, pulled it down, and tossed it down.

She left, buried her head, and burst into tears.

He started crying... She ran up, felt, picked him up, changed her clothes, wrapped her up, tucked her in, washed her, hung her up.

Lay down. She jumped up and spun around. I stood there. I looked. She sighed. She covered it up. Started it up.

Turned it off.

I passed out.

Tales, jargons and have always been a kind of buffer in the eternal, age-old, but not very serious enmity (rather, its imitation) between the “Khokhols” and the “Katsaps”.

He who doesn’t understand Ukrainian well laughs well

In the Ukrainian language there is such a tongue twister: “Buv sobi tsabruk, ta y peretsabrukarbyvsya.” This gobbledygook (there once lived a certain Tsabruk, who eventually moved away) can serve as a kind of test for Russians who want to learn the Ukrainian language. If he repeats it correctly (at least once!) - he will speak Ukrainian, if he doesn’t repeat it - he will make a Ukrainian laugh, although for the “Russian ear” there is nothing funny in the fact that some “tsabruk has messed up”, as an attempt to pronounce a tongue twister sounds like for the majority "students".

Russians are also amused by the not always coherent Russian speech of many Ukrainians, but they are delighted by numerous funny Ukrainian words, the list of which depends in volume on the “level of understanding of Ukrainian language” (the degree of understanding of the Ukrainian language).

"Zupynka" on demand

Ordinary situation. A restaurant client wants to pay by turning to the waiter in Ukrainian with the request: “Rozrakhuite mene, be affectionate” (pay me, please). The client’s serious face is unlikely to be able to restrain the cheerful reaction of a waiter who does not speak Ukrainian.

Can it occur to any of the ignorant that “smelling the back of my head” means “scratching the back of my head”? And he heard the girl’s admiring exclamation: “Oh, what a great grandmother!” - is unlikely to think about a dragonfly.

Mastering the art of stick fighting is probably more difficult than stick fighting. "Who forgot the parasol?" - you can hear in Ukraine on public transport, and the “nervous”, smiling in bewilderment, will think about anything but an umbrella. Or there, in public transport, the conductor, leaning towards you, will politely remind you that “Your tooth is moving,” and you will only guess by the consonance with something “next” that we are talking about a stop.

If someone agrees with you with the words: “You are a walkie-talkie,” smile boldly, because this expression means “You are right,” and not a suspicion of espionage activity.

Wonderful kapelyukh

Some words in Ukrainian are funny because ordinary and familiar concepts take on a cheerful, parodic sound. The word “shkarpetki” touches and makes many people laugh, while socks (and these are “shkarpetki”) do not evoke any special emotions in anyone (as a rule). When visiting friends in Ukraine, you may hear a proposal to wear slippers, which in Ukrainian sounds like this: “Os vashe kaptsi” (here are your slippers). Someone, looking at your ring on your hand, may say: “Garna (beautiful) heel,” and if they praise your hat, you may hear the following compliment: “Wonderful cape!”

In the park, an old man sits down next to you on a bench and, exhaling tiredly, says: “Ledve doshkandybav.” Most likely, when you hear this, you will smile instead of sympathy, despite the fact that your grandfather “barely made it.”

Many funny Ukrainian words when translated into Russian sound completely different, losing their charm, such as the invitation “let’s sit down together” instead of “syademo vkupi” (words from the song).

By declaring that you are “out of your mind,” your opponent is not at all trying to guess where you came from - he is claiming that you are crazy.

Having asked when the next bus (tram, trolleybus, etc.) will arrive, and heard in response “already nezabarom”, do not try to understand where it is, you were told that “already soon”.

Learning Ukrainian language

"Dyvna dytyna!" - the Ukrainian woman will say, looking at your child. Don’t be offended, the kid has nothing to do with it, because “dytyna” is a child. A little Khokhlushka girl, seeing a grasshopper in the grass, will joyfully exclaim: “Mommy, puff up, little horse!”

If someone boasts to you that they have built a “khmarochos” in their city, take the message seriously, because this is a skyscraper that literally “scratches the clouds.”

Do not be embarrassed if, intending to walk barefoot over hot coals, you hear a warning cry: “Be stupid!” It's not what you might think, it's just "reckless."

Hearing a quiet, amazed exclamation behind him: “What a nasty little girl!” - do not rush to be indignant or offended because someone simply admires your beauty (in Ukrainian - “like”). And vice versa, if a confident “shlyondra” was heard behind you, do not flatter yourself, because, despite the French pronunciation that makes its way into this word, you were mistaken for a woman/girl of “not very difficult” behavior.

“I’ll jump quickly,” a new Ukrainian acquaintance may tell you, promising to “run in sometime,” and not jump, as you might think.

When treating you to plums or pears, a generous Ukrainian woman can warn you against overindulgence, hinting at the possibility of an upset stomach with the words “...so that the Swede Nastya doesn’t attack” (so that the fast Nastya doesn’t attack). Agree that this is not as scary as diarrhea, and sounds more pleasant.

And the goldfinch chased and roared

The funniest Ukrainian words are associated with translations that are unusual for the “Russian ear,” but intuitively understandable. Some children, for example, like “Vedmedyk Klyshonogy” candies more than well, and girls will prefer “Tsem-Tsem” tsukki to “Kisses” candies.

“There is a golden chain on that oak tree (And a golden lancet on it): day and night the learned cat (and day and night there is a whale of teachings) everything walks around the chain (circling on the lancet).” It sounds pleasant, melodic, but... “smiles.”

Many people are amused by the “Ukrainian Lermontov” when he has “...and the goldfinch bends and rocks,” although if “...and the mast bends and creaks,” it’s no laughing matter.

In Russian in Ukrainian

Funny Ukrainian words and expressions often appear as a result, to put it mildly, of inaccuracies, and sometimes of attempts to pronounce a Russian word in the “Ukrainian manner.” For example, you can hear the following expression from a pretty girl addressed to her boyfriend: “Don’t jerk off, Vasko!” I can’t believe my ears, but this is just an innocent slip, because the girl wanted to say “ne dratuy” (don’t tease, don’t make me angry). “I’m telling you frankly,” a Ukrainian who has forgotten his native speech and does not remember the word “vidverto” may say. From the same series are the following pearls: kankhvetka (candy), ne razgovaryuyte, pevytsya (singer), bite (tasty), ne naravytsya (don’t like it), etc.

Ukrainian words in Russian, funny hybrid phrases and expressions are often “in hodgepodge” with the Russian language or against the background of prevailing Russian words, where they are appropriate, “like a horse in a store.”

In the international melody of the Odessa slang language you can often hear the following “notes”: tamochki (over there), tutochki (right here), tudayu (that road, side), syudayu (this road, side), matsat (touch, paw), tynyaetsya (loiter) and many other pearls. "Was it fucked?" - they will ask you for some reason at the Odessa delivery station, and try to guess what it means (vus is Hebrew for “what”, and trapylos is Ukrainian for “happened”).

Innovation “Ukrainian style”

The list of phrases in the category, which includes “innovative” words in Ukrainian (funny, somewhat exaggerated translations), is growing every day. These are mainly expressions and concepts that do not sound Ukrainian enough. Therefore, today you can hear the following: drabynkova maydanka (staircase landing), mizhpoverkhovy drotokhid (elevator), morzotnyk (freezer), mapa (map), pilosmokt (vacuum cleaner), komora (pantry), dryzhar (vibrator), dushets (nitrogen) , sticky (glue), shtrykavka (syringe), zhyvchik (pulse), rotoznavets (dentist), dribnozhyvets (microbe), krivulya (zigzag), zyavysko (phenomenon), pryskalets (shower), zhivoznavets (biologist), poviy (bandage) , obizhnyk (bypass sheet) and others.

We swear in Ukrainian

Ukrainian curse words are irresistible to the ear, and for those who do not quite understand the meaning, some of them sound like a “wonderful melody” and can even have the opposite effect, amusing the cursed person.

“And so that Nastya’s little bastard here would wear you out... (a wish that is familiar to you). And so that your navel has gone bald, like a poppy’s mortar... And so that your muzzle has millet threshers... And so that Toby’s bubble has jumped out of his nose... And If only a fly had kicked you... And if you had been chipped by a stake... And if the evil one had crushed you... And if the trigger had stepped on your foot..." and many, many more kind and sincere wishes.

Overdoing it

And finally, several “popular”, rarely used, including far-fetched literal pseudo-translations of some Ukrainian words, which do not cause sincere and cheerful laughter in everyone. Spalahuyka (lighter), zalupivka (butterfly), chahlik nevmyruschie, pysunkovy villain (sexual maniac), yayko-spodivaiko (Kinder surprise egg), sikovytyskach (juicer), darmovys (tie), pisyunets (teapot), tsap-vidbuvaylo (scapegoat), gumovy natsyutsyurnik (condom) and others.

“I myself don’t know what kind of soul I have, Khokhlyatsky or Russian. I only know that I would in no way give an advantage to either a Little Russian over a Russian, or a Russian over a Little Russian. Both natures are too generously endowed by God, and, as if on purpose, each separately contains what is not in the other is a clear sign that they must replenish one another" (N.V. Gogol).